I have thought a lot about this question, because I am asked this over and over again. It is
complex, but simple answer, because I can.
I understand that not everyone was blessed with my opportunity to overcome their own
trauma. I am actually writing a book about this, that will come together hopefully at the end of
this hike. But there are people out there now who are in pain, who are struggling, who think
that they are alone who I need to speak now.
I literally have been training all my life for this hike. On a physical level, I have been living in
the woods off and on, for as long as I can remember. I have been walking almost every day of
my life, it was my way of coping with life, thinking, re-centering, grounding. I can’t do a lot of
things, but I can walk. I can live in the woods. I have been training for long distance hiking for
years.
On a mental level, I went to the AT. I learned from the people on the trail how to deal with the
crazy in my head. I learned how to heal, through walking, through connecting with nature, with
people, with a Higher Power. I have lived through and with my own trauma, and mental
health issues. I have walked this path at least to some degree. I lived though “the dark night
of the soul,” I have vomited pain and grief, and regret, and heartache. I have cried and wailed,
I have raised my fist to the heavens. I have asked, “Why me?”
On a spiritual level, I hike to heal my family. My sisters and bothers, those little children that I
watched get beaten and broken in every way imaginable. I hike to end the generational
trauma that I carry, that they carry. That I pass on to my children and they passed on to their
children. None of us wanted it to happen, we just could not help it. We were broken so badly. I
hike for my nieces and nephews, and their children. May their children never be touched by
this dark past. I hike for my own repentance, for my own forgiveness. My oldest daughter told
me that the path to forgiveness was in forgiving my mother. I hope at the end of this journey I
find that forgiveness, for my mother, for myself. I hike to bring awareness, to speak the truth,
to ask forgiveness, and to find peace as last.
And in the end, it is because I can. If I don’t, who will? No one else has my innate gifts and
abilities. No one else has my life experiences. I have the ability to walk. I have the ability to
listen. I have the ability to understand. I have the ability to talk.
If you have the ability, you have the responsibility to act. I have a big mouth, I am not afraid of
social rejection for speaking the truth. I have the responsibility to speak for those who cannot
yet speak. I have the responsibility to walk the path, to show the way, to tell the other people
on the trail of life how to navigate the rock climb, the river crossing, the long water carry…all
the hazards that lay before us all. The problem is that I am only one voice. I need to do
something to cause people to pay attention to me and what I am saying. I need other people’s
voices to join me. I need my voice to start the chant, but I need you to add your voice.
Because we are all in this shit show together. We need each other. Join me, and together we
will amplify our voices….NO MORE! In the words of Gandolf the Grey, to the dragon of fire.
“YOU SHALL NOT PASS”. I will not allow myself to add to the pain. I will not stand by and say
nothing. I will not allow this darkness to pass on to the next generation. I will be part of the
solution. Together we will be heard.
I hike because I can. Because I have been training for this hike in every way, all my life.
Someone has to do it. Someone has to get this movement started. So I lace up my trail
runners, I strap on my pack, and I start to walk. Day after day, mile after mile, heartache after
heartache. I hike, because I no longer want to be haunted by ghosts that no longer exist. I
hike because I want to be a better person. I hike because I want my life to have meaning. I
hike because I want to change the world.
See, I told you it was complex. I hike because I can. Sometimes, that is all you can do.