This was my journey from isolation and disconnection, to community and connection. This is my journey to face my biggest fears, and to push myself harder than I have ever done before, and to find the best parts of myself.
One day I was scrolling through my Instagram, sending messages and inspirational video clips to my favorite people. When one of my Instagram hiker “friends” sent me a message asking me if I ever wanted to hike the Wind River Range, since I lived in Wyoming. I had to sheepishly admit, I was afraid of hiking in Wyoming because of my PTDS. He then offered to hike it with me, to support me through it. Then I had to admit that he was…through no fault of his own, an old, white, man. I am seriously triggered by old white men. Now being the seasoned and rugged hiker that he was, he said something about facing my fears, and it hit. How could I tell other people about my path to healing, if I could not face my own trauma, my own issues, my own fears. That day I decided that he was right, I had to face my fears. The only way to get to my goal, was over my own personal mountain.
After a great degree of emotional distress, and personal will power, I told him, Yes, I will face my two biggest fears. I will hike with this old white man, in the middle of Wyoming, a state in which I claimed I hated everything about it, in some of the most rugged terrane I have ever faced…and it was the hardest, and best thing I have ever done.